A Lost Time Of Children’s Independence
No one will confuse the 1950s for today. I am not one who believes everything was always better in the past than they are now. Yet, sometimes there was so much more common sense used in the way we lived our lives.
I remember the first time I went to the corner grocery store alone. It was a place which would today be a bodega or convenience store. I wasn’t in school yet. My mother was on the front stoop as I ventured out for a loaf of bread. Well, that was probably the longest block I ever walked. But I returned with the correct change and the bread for my mom.
Was it dangerous? No, it was a way to build confidence in a somewhat controlled environment and to become independent. Many things my parents did would probably result in arrest today. After the first couple of weeks of school, I would walk the four or five blocks there and home alone or with other kids.
The same was true for playing outside. No parent was around making sure we were “safe” from things. By the time we were in third grade, most of my siblings, cousins, and friends were playing in the local playground without our parents sitting on the benches minding us. We learned to wait our turn for the monkey bars, slides, and seesaws. And we scraped our knees too. The park attendant, affectionately known as the “Parkie,” would hand out balls and board games.
By the time I was a parent, my kids didn’t have the freedom I did but still were able to do a little roaming on their own. They were fortunate enough to have a backyard and, unlike today, they played in it.
My son was always a handful. He and his friend, Eddie, would be all over the neighborhood and sometimes beyond. Once they ended up at a park which was miles from our house. They had to take the bus to get there. The only reason we knew the kids had done so was that my wife had to pick them up since they didn’t have enough carfare to come home.
Today kids don’t venture far from mom and dad. From school to stores to having the freedom to play with their friends, their actions are controlled. Play dates with other parents must be made in advance. Spontaneity is not part of their lexicon.
I believe kids have lost something living in this perceived dangerous world where everyone is a supposed predator. As they grow older, children should be challenged with a little adversity. Even if that adversity is nothing more than two kids learning to settle their differences without adult intervention.
My childhood world is long gone. The ball games that we played and refereed ourselves are from a forgotten time. We learned the art of the “do over” because the only other choice was a fist fight. I don’t know if learning to compromise, is a bad thing.
Perhaps if kids today had a little more practice developing coping skills, it would lead to better outcomes for them as adults and for us as a society. If there is always someone looking over your shoulder, you never learn to stand on your own or “play” nice with others. There is something to be said for a little independence.
